Carry That Weight: Part Zero
I’m fat. Get over it. I have. I’d rather be skinny, but that fact probably has a lot (but not all) to do with the way overweight people are treated in this society. We have become easy targets. It’s too politically incorrect to make fun of black people and gay people now, so pick on the fat people. I get it, but it’s silly, weak and makes you look kind of ignorant, frankly.
I would love to lose weight, but I have dumb reasons for wanting to do so. (I have good ones, too, like, you know, wanting to be healthier) For instance, one major reason I’d love to lose weight is so I can buy more t-shirts. A lot of awesome shirts I’ve wanted to buy for the last 10-15 years don’t come in my size. I can’t imagine what it’s like for the people that are twice my size. Yikes. I also would gain a lot of confidence from losing weight, but again, that’s more of a societal thing. I’m naturally a bit insecure probably, but the way fat people are maligned has not helped. Society has taught me that a lot of women will not date or have sex with me simply because I’m fat. And it’s true. Not across the board, but there are women like that. And men. I know, because there is a certain weight that I will not go over. Well, it’s more appearance than an actual weight. But yes, I am guilty, too. There are some women that I will not date because my brain deems them too fat. See how fucked up society is? It even tells fat people that other people are too fat for their taste sometimes. Isn’t that fucked up? Wanna hear how even more warped my brain is? There are certain girls that I would just fuck and not date, because I deem them too fat to date, but not too fat to fuck. What an asshole right? Blame society. (You can blame me, too, but I’m not really that much of a dick)
But I don’t have blind hatred for fat people. I do find completely morbidly obese people to be a bit unusual and disturbing. (I’m talking people 600 lbs. and more, basically. Those people, in my opinion have done it mostly to themselves and do little to help themselves in many cases. This is why you see so many really fat people with “handicapped” signs and Hoverounds, something as a fat person that I do not support. Go to a doctor. Figure out something else. That level of gluttony is something I can relate to finding inexcusable. And I have to admit, those people make me feel really good about myself. Society…)
But the rest of us fat people are not really all that gluttonous. (I don’t even know what you people mean by fat half the time anymore. I hear you complaining about fat people getting in your way and bothering you and all this shit, but most of the fat people I know are active and “normal”, as you would use the word. Are you talking about the same gigantic pieces of shit I’m talking about? If yes, then carry on, but I bet you’re talking about people like me, too, sometimes. So fuck you) In my case, I’ll tell you the main reason I’m fat: I’m addicted to food and I don’t give myself enough time to exercise. That right there is the main reason. Simple, right? Can’t you relate? People use drugs when they have problems. Or some people get violent. Some people drink. Some people run. Work out. Sleep. Kill themselves. The list goes on. Food is just my drug. Does that humanize it for you at all, or would you still rather blindly judge me like I’m some scary monster from the mountains? Maybe skinny people are just angry because they can’t eat empty calories when they’re feeling down, like I do. It’s okay for them to go pump iron for 3 hours a day, 5 days a week obsessively, like a juiced up speed freak, but if I have a pizza, I’m a fat piece of shit who contributes nothing to society. Convenient. Thanks, fuckers. The point is, we all have our things to go to. We all have our drugs. What you need to understand is that for a lot of fat people, food is just our drug of choice. Would you rather us be meth heads?
If you see a fat person who is a piece of shit that isn’t contributing anything, then I fully support you thinking they’re an asshole. To me, that is just an offshoot of stupid fucking people, which is an epidemic I can get behind hating. But using the word fat angrily is stupid, because you may inadvertently be hurting someone close to you and someone who has a lot to offer. Fat does not describe us. We all have personalities and layers that you could never understand if you’re that narrow minded. (And by layers, I don’t mean because I’m fatter than you, you fucking smart ass) You see a guy on the street that you can’t get around because he’s standing in one place and stuffing his face as gravy drips on his shirt and he won’t move because he’s too busy heavy breathing and he’s an assholishly oblivious to his surroundings? Then yeah, have a ball. Make fun of him. But make fun of him as a person. As an asshole. An individual being. Don’t let that make you blindly hate fat people for no reason. I’ll repeat. It makes you look as weak and ignorant as you think we are.
That’s another thing I never understood. People thinking fat people are stupid because they’re overweight. (I know I used the word fat a bunch of times in here, but as a fat person, I’m allowed to use it. See: Black people and “the N word”) What an ignorant fucking sentiment! And you think we’re stupid? Good lord, are you some twisted fucks. I know for a fact that I’ve been passed over on jobs for being fat. Definitely passed over by girls. And can’t tell you how many times I’ve gotten dirty looks just for being bigger than someone. I’ve also been that guy on the plane who the passenger next to looks all pissed off at, even though I go out of my way so much to make you comfortable, that I spend the entire flight cramped up and in pain because I don’t want to get in your way with my stupid fat. I’m not stupid. I’m actually too smart. Because ignorance IS bliss when it comes to shit like that. I wish I didn’t care. But I do. I know how you look at us sometimes. How you feel about us. That we make you sick and that makes me sick. You should be ashamed of yourself if you make fun of fat people blindly and just use it as a blanket title for people who you don’t seem skinny enough to be normal. Fuck off and die, you shallow cunts.
The fact is, I contribute a lot to society. And I care more than most. I pay attention more than most. I consider you, even though you don’t consider me. I make sacrifices, even though it’s because you are selfish. And I am happy. That’s right. I’m fat and I’m happy. Does that piss you off? Maybe you’re just mad because you have to obsess in order to not put on weight. Maybe you’d be happier if you just did what you wanted (within reason, of course). Society fucks you over, too. The reason you work out obsessively or starve yourselves is because society has told you that being fat is being a monster. A laughing stock. A farce. You’re not a human being. You’re fat. Do you know that if I’m having an argument with someone and I’m winning, a lot of times they will pull out the fat card? I can’t tell you how disgustingly true that is. Happens a lot to me, because, well, I win most arguments. But it doesn’t feel good when they do it. Even though I still feel like the better man. If you use that weapon in your arsenal, you ultimately lose, in my opinion, but sometimes you make us feel like losers, too. Think about that. Your words hurt. You may just think throwing around the word fat is harmless, but it hurts us. You have a fat friend and/or family member who is wounded by such words. Knock it off, Skeeter.
But yes, I’m happy. As we all should be. We should all find our happiness. I might be a bit more comfortable and happy if I was thinner, but some of the reasons would be wrong and I’m not going to let being fat make me be unhappy. I’m going to live my life one day at a time and enjoy each second as much as I can and try to leave my mark. (Not on your couch, you fucking smart ass.) And you know what? I get laid a lot more than many skinny people I know. So go eat a cheeseburger, you hate mongering douchebag. And if you do decide to get a cheeseburger, invite me. Because they are delicious.
Thank you for reading this. I hope it had some sort of impact on you. I hope it resonated. I hope if you’re overweight, you have my back and I hope if you’re not, you will think twice before you say something potentially hurtful in the future. The bottom line is I think everyone should be judged on an individual basis. I’m not a fan of labels, because you inadvertently hurt people, who you maybe don’t even mean to hurt. The only people I don’t feel sorry for are assholes. That’s the only group of people I can’t stand. And if you keep carrying on like that people that I explained above, you are an asshole and no one wants to be an asshole, no matter what they try to tell you otherwise.
I’d love to know what you think about what I said. If you agree or disagree. Please leave a comment below if anything I said inspired you or offended you. I will gladly hear out either side and I never delete comments, even negative ones. Share with me a story that relates to anything I said. And tell me if you think a shorter version of this rant (with more funny asides) would work in my stand up act, because I’m planning on doing it soon. Thanks for reading and for all your support.