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Carry That Weight: Part Zero

November 16, 2011

I’m fat. Get over it. I have. I’d rather be skinny, but that fact probably has a lot (but not all) to do with the way overweight people are treated in this society. We have become easy targets. It’s too politically incorrect to make fun of black people and gay people now, so pick on the fat people. I get it, but it’s silly, weak and makes you look kind of ignorant, frankly.

I would love to lose weight, but I have dumb reasons for wanting to do so. (I have good ones, too, like, you know, wanting to be healthier) For instance, one major reason I’d love to lose weight is so I can buy more t-shirts. A lot of awesome shirts I’ve wanted to buy for the last 10-15 years don’t come in my size. I can’t imagine what it’s like for the people that are twice my size. Yikes. I also would gain a lot of confidence from losing weight, but again, that’s more of a societal thing. I’m naturally a bit insecure probably, but the way fat people are maligned has not helped. Society has taught me that a lot of women will not date or have sex with me simply because I’m fat. And it’s true. Not across the board, but there are women like that. And men. I know, because there is a certain weight that I will not go over. Well, it’s more appearance than an actual weight. But yes, I am guilty, too. There are some women that I will not date because my brain deems them too fat. See how fucked up society is? It even tells fat people that other people are too fat for their taste sometimes. Isn’t that fucked up? Wanna hear how even more warped my brain is? There are certain girls that I would just fuck and not date, because I deem them too fat to date, but not too fat to fuck. What an asshole right? Blame society. (You can blame me, too, but I’m not really that much of a dick)

But I don’t have blind hatred for fat people. I do find completely morbidly obese people to be a bit unusual and disturbing. (I’m talking people 600 lbs. and more, basically. Those people, in my opinion have done it mostly to themselves and do little to help themselves in many cases. This is why you see so many really fat people with “handicapped” signs and Hoverounds, something as a fat person that I do not support. Go to a doctor. Figure out something else. That level of gluttony is something I can relate to finding inexcusable. And I have to admit, those people make me feel really good about myself. Society…)

But the rest of us fat people are not really all that gluttonous. (I don’t even know what you people mean by fat half the time anymore. I hear you complaining about fat people getting in your way and bothering you and all this shit, but most of the fat people I know are active and “normal”, as you would use the word. Are you talking about the same gigantic pieces of shit I’m talking about? If yes, then carry on, but I bet you’re talking about people like me, too, sometimes. So fuck you) In my case, I’ll tell you the main reason I’m fat: I’m addicted to food and I don’t give myself enough time to exercise. That right there is the main reason. Simple, right? Can’t you relate? People use drugs when they have problems. Or some people get violent. Some people drink. Some people run. Work out. Sleep. Kill themselves. The list goes on. Food is just my drug. Does that humanize it for you at all, or would you still rather blindly judge me like I’m some scary monster from the mountains? Maybe skinny people are just angry because they can’t eat empty calories when they’re feeling down, like I do. It’s okay for them to go pump iron for 3 hours a day, 5 days a week obsessively, like a juiced up speed freak, but if I have a pizza, I’m a fat piece of shit who contributes nothing to society. Convenient. Thanks, fuckers. The point is, we all have our things to go to. We all have our drugs. What you need to understand is that for a lot of fat people, food is just our drug of choice. Would you rather us be meth heads?

If you see a fat person who is a piece of shit that isn’t contributing anything, then I fully support you thinking they’re an asshole. To me, that is just an offshoot of stupid fucking people, which is an epidemic I can get behind hating. But using the word fat angrily is stupid, because you may inadvertently be hurting someone close to you and someone who has a lot to offer. Fat does not describe us. We all have personalities and layers that you could never understand if you’re that narrow minded. (And by layers, I don’t mean because I’m fatter than you, you fucking smart ass) You see a guy on the street that you can’t get around because he’s standing in one place and stuffing his face as gravy drips on his shirt and he won’t move because he’s too busy heavy breathing and he’s an assholishly oblivious to his surroundings? Then yeah, have a ball. Make fun of him. But make fun of him as a person. As an asshole. An individual being. Don’t let that make you blindly hate fat people for no reason. I’ll repeat. It makes you look as weak and ignorant as you think we are.

That’s another thing I never understood. People thinking fat people are stupid because they’re overweight. (I know I used the word fat a bunch of times in here, but as a fat person, I’m allowed to use it. See: Black people and “the N word”) What an ignorant fucking sentiment! And you think we’re stupid? Good lord, are you some twisted fucks. I know for a fact that I’ve been passed over on jobs for being fat. Definitely passed over by girls. And can’t tell you how many times I’ve gotten dirty looks just for being bigger than someone. I’ve also been that guy on the plane who the passenger next to looks all pissed off at, even though I go out of my way so much to make you comfortable, that I spend the entire flight cramped up and in pain because I don’t want to get in your way with my stupid fat. I’m not stupid. I’m actually too smart. Because ignorance IS bliss when it comes to shit like that. I wish I didn’t care. But I do. I know how you look at us sometimes. How you feel about us. That we make you sick and that makes me sick. You should be ashamed of yourself if you make fun of fat people blindly and just use it as a blanket title for people who you don’t seem skinny enough to be normal. Fuck off and die, you shallow cunts.

The fact is, I contribute a lot to society. And I care more than most. I pay attention more than most. I consider you, even though you don’t consider me. I make sacrifices, even though it’s because you are selfish. And I am happy. That’s right. I’m fat and I’m happy. Does that piss you off? Maybe you’re just mad because you have to obsess in order to not put on weight. Maybe you’d be happier if you just did what you wanted (within reason, of course). Society fucks you over, too. The reason you work out obsessively or starve yourselves is because society has told you that being fat is being a monster. A laughing stock. A farce. You’re not a human being. You’re fat. Do you know that if I’m having an argument with someone and I’m winning, a lot of times they will pull out the fat card? I can’t tell you how disgustingly true that is. Happens a lot to me, because, well, I win most arguments. But it doesn’t feel good when they do it. Even though I still feel like the better man. If you use that weapon in your arsenal, you ultimately lose, in my opinion, but sometimes you make us feel like losers, too. Think about that. Your words hurt. You may just think throwing around the word fat is harmless, but it hurts us. You have a fat friend and/or family member who is wounded by such words. Knock it off, Skeeter.

But yes, I’m happy. As we all should be. We should all find our happiness. I might be a bit more comfortable and happy if I was thinner, but some of the reasons would be wrong and I’m not going to let being fat make me be unhappy. I’m going to live my life one day at a time and enjoy each second as much as I can and try to leave my mark. (Not on your couch, you fucking smart ass.) And you know what? I get laid a lot more than many skinny people I know. So go eat a cheeseburger, you hate mongering douchebag. And if you do decide to get a cheeseburger, invite me. Because they are delicious.

Thank you for reading this. I hope it had some sort of impact on you. I hope it resonated. I hope if you’re overweight, you have my back and I hope if you’re not, you will think twice before you say something potentially hurtful in the future. The bottom line is I think everyone should be judged on an individual basis. I’m not a fan of labels, because you inadvertently hurt people, who you maybe don’t even mean to hurt. The only people I don’t feel sorry for are assholes. That’s the only group of people I can’t stand. And if you keep carrying on like that people that I explained above, you are an asshole and no one wants to be an asshole, no matter what they try to tell you otherwise.

I’d love to know what you think about what I said. If you agree or disagree. Please leave a comment below if anything I said inspired you or offended you. I will gladly hear out either side and I never delete comments, even negative ones. Share with me a story that relates to anything I said. And tell me if you think a shorter version of this rant (with more funny asides) would work in my stand up act, because I’m planning on doing it soon. Thanks for reading and for all your support.

24 Comments leave one →
  1. November 16, 2011 11:27 am

    As a fellow “person of size” or as I call it “fat bastard” I concur with the shirt thing. How I long to wear a shirt that only has one X before the L…

    Good read, sir.

    • November 16, 2011 12:10 pm

      Thanks, Tony. You know what I can’t stand? There are shirts that actually fit, but they’re not long enough. They need to make t-shirts longer! I don’t want my belly exposed whenever I reach for something on a high shelf! ;)

  2. @sicksixsix permalink
    November 16, 2011 11:36 am

    Dude, as a fellow fat person I agree with you on many of these topics. Yes it does disgust me to see morbidly obese people being treated like they’re handicapped. That’s such bullshit. There is a problem elsewhere and they do need help. I also get laid more than most people I know. I love cheeseburgers, too. This was a great read dude, keep me informed of future posts.

  3. November 16, 2011 11:42 am

    I think you may be seeing a lot of hate that isn’t there because of insecurity. I don’t know anyone that just “hates” fat people or says the things you described. Maybe your feelings exaggerate it a bit? Or maybe it’s a lot different when you are dealing with it, yourself. I just feel bad that people go through life with these kinds of thoughts and feelings.

    • November 16, 2011 12:18 pm

      Um, yes. It’s a lot different.

      Much like I would never try to tell you what it’s like being a beautiful woman, you wouldn’t really get what we go through, per se, unless you had experienced it yourself. Try being fat for a day and you will know exactly what I mean. If anything, I downplayed it.

      You should feel worse for the people who go through life saying and doing these things. I’m happy. A lot of them aren’t.

      I’m one of the most honest people you don’t know. I would never exaggerate to make my words have more impact. I would only exaggerate if I’m telling a joke onstage doing stand up and need to make it sound less boring. This piece came from the heart, like I said. Hopefully you will reconsider your earlier statement in the future. And I’d love to live in this place where nobody hates fat people. Not only do I see and hear it in public, it’s all over your TV. Kudos for you to not noticing it. I think it has more to do with you being more tolerant than not paying attention.

      Thanks for visiting and reading. I really appreciate it.

      And I’m sorry if this comment sounded abrasive at all. I just don’t like it when I’m talking about something that is very real and definitely happens and someone says maybe I’m exaggerating. I am somewhat insecure, as I said in the blog, but I explained where some of that comes from and it doesn’t mean that I don’t recognize discrimination when it’s staring me in the face.

  4. November 16, 2011 12:16 pm

    You are awesome, Johnny! I loved the part about buying t-shirts. My thing was boots. A sexy, high-heel, thigh-high boot. Now that I can wear them, I can’t afford them. And I’m too old. And they don’t look right with pajamas. So, maybe you’ll lose a bunch of weight, marry the love of your life, and she will hate your t-shirts. Maybe you’ll eat a bunch of cheeseburgers (mmmm, yum), marry the love of your life and she can wear all your favorite t-shirts for you. Maybe if someone plays the fat card against you, you can stop and say, “Finally! Your skinny ass got something right. Now we both win.”

    • November 16, 2011 12:21 pm

      Thanks, Michelle! Appreciate you reading and commenting. Boots and pajamas are fucking hot. I will marry the love of my life whether or not I lose the weight, yes. Probably. Or at least someone pretty fucking awesome. Who has awesome t-shirts. You speak-a my language. Would you like a Vegemite sandwich?

  5. leaderbean permalink
    November 16, 2011 12:24 pm

    I completely agree with what you said. As a “skinny person” I sometimes find myself casting judgment towards people that are bigger than me. I wish I wouldn’t, as most of the bigger people I have met turn out to be some of the funniest and most caring people I know, and I am honoured to call them friends. Thanks for this post, I enjoyed it ;)

    • November 16, 2011 12:34 pm

      Thank you for reading it! The world needs more nice skinny people like you. Thanks for being thoughtful and being aware of your inconsistencies. We all make mistakes sometimes. I am definitely guilty. Thanks again and take care!

  6. Helen permalink
    November 16, 2011 12:27 pm

    I feel very strongly about this post. I’ve struggled with my weight all my life…but for the people that know me, I’ve never worried about them judging me. I was extremely self conscious all through school. When I was 15, I started running and basically starving myself. I lost a lot of weight but didn’t feel much different about myself. I’m overweight now, but I have a lot of confidence, feel good about myself, and feel attractive. I get more notice from the opposite sex when I’m thinner, but I’ve also learned from experience that the people worth my time have treated me the same no matter what my weight.

    You make a good point though. Although I never worry about what friends think, I still experience self-doubt when it comes to people I don’t know well. Are they judging me? Would this or that man be attracted to me “if only” I was 20 lb lighter?

    And there’s the toll you see it take on younger people. For example, my 6 year old niece is tall for her age. She isn’t “big” in the least though. However, her grandmother (not my mom) controls what she eats and tells her that “she doesn’t want her to be fat”. To a 6 year old. My niece has told me that she goes to bed hungry sometimes.

    We need to stop with the weight obsession.

    • November 16, 2011 12:38 pm

      Definitely. No more weight obsession. It’s okay to be worried and want people to be healthy, but we need to stop telling everyone to be thinner and make fun of them when they’re not.

      Yeah, the people that really know me don’t judge me so much. Except for my mother, of course. She means well, but she doesn’t realize she hurts me sometimes.

      You are definitely attractive and dudes love you, if this is the Helen I think it is, so kudos with your confidence. I wish I had more of it, but I’m better than a lot.

      I know for a fact that some girls would hang with me if I was thinner. Some have told me this.

      • Helen permalink
        November 16, 2011 1:04 pm

        Yes, it’s that Helen ;) lol. I understand about your mom, my mom used to do the same thing when I was younger, but only from concern…we’ve had many more understanding conversations since then though. As for the girls that turn you down…they are obviously not worth your time. You are awesome and funny and sexy. If they don’t see that they don’t deserve you.

  7. November 16, 2011 12:30 pm

    I’ve been the fat kid my whole life starting in elementary school and sought the help of professional bariatric specialists to lose a significant amount of weight… just so you know. I have not glided by through life with looks. I’m just saying while, yes, there were a couple people who liked to make my life hell… it was not an ongoing trend.

    • November 16, 2011 12:39 pm

      You were very fortunate and I’m glad. That means you’re surrounded by good people who are considerate and care. I’m just saying it’s not always like that, unfortunately. But thank you very much for pitching in and I’m sorry if I insulted you in any way. I like you.

  8. November 16, 2011 1:53 pm

    I’ve written quite a few blog posts on this subject and feel very strongly about it. I would love to say that I’ve never judged another human, but I have. As far as overweight people go? Well, whether they could stand to lose 20 lbs or they weigh 600 lbs, I have not walked in their shoes. I don’t know what their life is and will not judge them.

    People who wear theme clothes? That’s another story…why on earth would a grown up wear a sweatshirt with Santa on it?? Hmmmm???

  9. Elby permalink
    November 16, 2011 2:48 pm

    Hang in there Jonathan, the new norm is “fat” and the backlash is now on the skinny people. I am one, and I could never keep up with the “fat” women that are working out to Dancing with the oldies. I am not in that good of shape. I don’t work out and I’m eating a Hershey Bar as I type. I love sitting next to “fat” people on a plane because they keep me warm. You’re welcome to half of my seat because I don’t need it.

    As a skinny babe, I have bulimia, AIDS, or never eat anything. Vanity makes me starve myself to death. I’ve heard these words fly out of “fat” people’s mouths my whole life, I suspect to make themselves feel better. I never weighed enough in my life to skydive. Some medical options are not available to me because I can’t afford to lose 10 lbs. One horrendous bout of flu can take me out. Try dressing like a grown woman when you wear a pre-teen size in clothing. My alteration bills are outrageous. I don’t like to be hugged because it hurts my skeletal system. I have no strength or muscles.

    Everyone is paddling in a leaky boat. The leaks are just in different parts of the boat. All of us will drown. Of course, I will probably drown later if I grab a hold of you and use you as a floatation device. Why wouldn’t I want “fat” people around? They can be very useful. Embrace your extra pounds, they could save your life someday. Just don’t fall into thinking thin is happy, or rip on the thin to advance your comedy routine. That would make you an asshole.

    • November 16, 2011 3:24 pm

      I appreciate your words and was very moved by them and I feel your pain. Sorry about your personal struggles with your weight or lack thereof. You can always use me for warmth if we’re ever on the same plane!

      I disagree, though. That wouldn’t make me an asshole and I’ll tell you exactly why. Because I’d only be ripping on the cruel ones who have made fun of me my entire life. Not every skinny person. I never said anything about not liking skinny people. I just said that some skinny people (the ones that rip on us fat folk) seem to be angry about their hate and I was speculating on why they might be angry. And the only group of people I really dislike, like I said are assholes. So I would never make fun of a whole group of people. There are always exceptions.

      • Elby permalink
        November 16, 2011 4:01 pm

        A valid point sir, but you can’t throw a disclaimer into a comedy routine and still be funny. However, I am fond of cruel humor and wouldn’t personally be offended. :)

      • November 16, 2011 4:52 pm

        How did you find this entry, by the way? Are you on the Tweetbox? I’m intrigued! :P

      • Elby permalink
        November 16, 2011 4:55 pm

        Damon shamelessly plugged your blog on Twitter. :)

  10. Shivordan permalink
    November 17, 2011 1:25 am

    I was a lot happier when I was ‘fat’ and also I got a lot more attention from men when I was.

    I work every day to stay this weight, I have to question everything I eat and spend more time counting calories then laughing.
    My personal taste is bigger men anyway *wink*, and I am more judgemental of women who are over weight probably because I’m miserable from working so hard. X

  11. November 18, 2011 11:47 am

    Why did you not stay fat? Mainly for health reasons, or societal pressure? I give you attention now! Lots of it! Probably too much! ;)

    Wink right back atcha. See? It’s a vicious cycle. You resent them because you can’t eat what you want anymore. So just eat a pizza whenever you feel like that and everything will be fine. Come back to the dark side!

  12. November 19, 2011 3:22 pm

    That was a brilliant read. Enjoyed every minute of it. A quicker version should definitely work for your stand-up.

    I’m thin, but I do get shit about being too thin sometimes. Oh, but I eat a lot, incessantly and uncontrollably sometimes.

    “I make sacrifices, even though it’s because you are selfish.”… brilliant!

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